Monday, July 27, 2015

First Date: How to Behave?

I often consult women at the age of 22 – 50, who want to find their pair and enjoy lovely relationships. Practically all of them ask for my advice “How to behave at first date?” Psychologists, as you know, are not to give any advice. All we can do is to discuss with clients the best ways of behaviour, based on scientific research and positive experience of other lucky people.

So, what is ‘the first date’? It is a rendezvous, appointment, where two people present themselves to advantage.

They do not know the outcome of this meeting, as they have different hopes and intentions.

There are usually two types of dates: with lovely feelings and without these feelings. On first date people usually evaluate each other and chances for further relationships. Here are some tips to take into consideration.

Personality is essential!

Both for long-term and short-term relationships, discovering each other’s personality is important.

Short-term relationships (usually from men) include the hidden intention of sex. Even in this case your personality is significant.

A survey by StasticBrain confirmed that 30% of both men and women said personality is the most important quality on a first date.

Successful first date, i.e.the one with desired outcomes, requires to maintain a delicate balance of confidence coupled with a flashy personality (without being over the top for women, of course).

Let the other person know you have:
·        Interests
·        Hobbies
·        Opinions
·        Views
·        Values

Simply stated, “I have a life. How can you complement it?”


Studies surprisingly show that over 40% of men are not confident meeting a woman for the first time.

Men desire to be comfortable around a woman rather than spend all their time trying to figure her out or impress her.

Although many women love to play the “I’m a Shy Little Sally” card, it has the potential of taking a tragic turn for the worst with many men.

While shyness can be cute at first, most men really want to connect with

A “Confident Cat” that intrigues them (rather than bores them).

Making a man fall in love with you begins with a confident smile and captivating personality. It is a small aspect that makes a world of difference in relationships.

Confidence is knowing what you like, what you want, and how you want to get there, and you should never hesitate or apologize for these qualities.


Biologically sexy people, i.e. expiring physical sexuality, charisma and attraction do not play social games in ‘confidence’ or ‘look how good I am!’

However, when they experience lovely feelings to their partner, timidity and confusion may stop them from active flirting. It is the first sign of real love emerging between the two…

People with rather low level of natural sexuality have to compensate it by ‘self-confidence’, professional/ financial self-importance and  their ‘personality’ exaggeration.

Active flirting during first date

In the absence of deep feelings, people flirt actively.

Men just simply cannot resist being wanted and desired. So, flirting plays a huge part in creating these feelings for men.

A smart woman knows that flirting is an art well worth mastering. It’s essential for women to use their attributes to the advantage.

Men desire to be desired.

Additionally, if you have any interest in a partner, flirting should prove to be somewhat easy, casual, and effortless. The conversation should flow, presenting many opportunities for jokes, teasing, physical contact, and laughter.

Men are SOOOOO similar to cats. They are biologically programmed to want to chase women, and in particular to enjoy being with women who are a little bit of a challenge, but not too much of a challenge that they don't feel like they have won you over.

So you see, that there no rules for the first date.

Anyway, there are two things that might show you the real attitude from another person during your first date:

1. If your partner listens to you attentively without interruption, they like you!

2. They enjoy your company. Indicators: they smile with pleasure, their body is relaxed, and they feel at ease.

Natalia Levis-Fox

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